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The Last Melancholy / Behold! A Marvel In The Darkness

by Notrees

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1.
Let it be known In your time of need You were surrounded With love Let it be known I barely knew you But I cherish you Forever Let it be known In your time of need You were surrounded With love Let it be known I barely knew you But I cherish you Forever Without you here We wouldn't be The family we are Today Let it be known In your time of need You were surrounded With love Without you here We wouldn't be The family we are Today Let it be known In your time of need You were surrounded With love A prayer held you close Acceptance freed you You soften our hearts and When gone, we'll miss you Love is just A glance away With heavy, heavy hearts Be free
2.
So 03:27
I split my palm and fall on open hands for you Shorten breath and starve at the thought of you Splintered feet, dry skin and shaven hair for you But where does that get me? If I don't exist, it's all the same Took a long drive to get away And really there's no one to blame But my own thoughts, so shy and fey My mind races, and words get twisted over you I tingle and lose track of what I should do Quivering at fear for just one look at you And really what's the point? If I don't exist, it's all the same Took a long drive to get away And really there's no one to blame But my own thoughts, so shy and fey What is the approach? Vocab fails me I just think you're cute, and really want Aren't you just human? Vision loses sight Of what really matters anyway I really do exist, it's all the same Took a long drive and found my way And really there's no one to blame There's strength in flaw, so shy and fey
3.
No words spoken A pleasant quiet A gaze upon Your brownish cheek A flash of teeth Glint in your eyes A warmth, a feeling I am weak To you I miss it No longer there I move on To you I miss it No longer there I move on Amicable New is good No tears drawn But still I would Go back to you But new is good I'll find another Just a mood Not to you I miss you But you aren't it Someone more Not to you I miss you But you aren't it Someone more I will I will I will They're out there I will I will I will Someone great I will I will I will They're out there I will I will I will Someone great Not to you I miss you But you aren't it Someone more Not to you I miss you But you aren't it Someone more All my friends A loving cast You are one Days go by Phone call, Skype, sometimes, but The feeling comes and goes
4.
Rude 02:39
Rude is what you call me, rude is what you call me Ok, ok, ok, and what am I supposed to do? Standoffish is what you see, standoffish is what you see Alright, alright, alright, so then get to know me maybe The bright colors and dark skin, the bright colors and dark skin Is me, is me, is me, and should I feel wrong for that? I'm not who you say I should be, I'm not who you say I should be Very well, very well, very well, so what does that say about you? Don't accuse me Don't accuse me Don't accuse me Don't accuse me Don't assume anything Don't assume anything Don't assume anything Don't assume anything Don't accuse me Don't accuse me Don't accuse me Don't accuse me Don't assume anything Don't assume anything Don't assume anything Don't assume anything
5.
To carry a sigh across the sea, the wind must love the sound A curious why, a lover's plea, such winds will carry around For melodies to travel the breeze, the meadow must show delight The birds and trees, and flowers and bees now sing with all their might They keep afloat for some time, but torn wings weren't meant to thrive A ring drawn down to be the first cast aside To look at you and say, "I am not your enemy", today To be alive, just to be, your enemy is what you see To look at you and say, "I am not your enemy", today To be alive, just to be, your enemy is what you see
6.
Words obscured, a sullen face Mentions mentioned in this broken place Words obscured, a sullen face Mentions mentioned in this broken place It's cold and tiring A warmth awaits It's dull and gray Color someday Color someday, warmth now Color someday, warmth now Color someday, warmth now Color someday, warmth now If I could just wake up somehow If I could just wake up somehow If I could just wake up somehow If I could just wake up somehow
7.
Have you stopped that? Have you stopped that miserable task? Of showing up in last? Have you earned that? Have you earned that love you sought? Of the one you caught? It's in the moving forward, and the letting go You've gotta learn to love yourself, understand you have to grow It's in the trial and error, and hate speech that they spew You have to push past it if you want to be you It's in the moving forward, and the letting go You've gotta learn to love yourself, understand you have to grow It's in the trial and error, and hate speech that they spew You have to push past it if you want to be you Have you stopped that? Have you stopped that miserable task? Of showing up in last? Have you earned that? Have you earned that love you sought? Of the one you caught? Please say yes to love And don't ever let them Tell you who you are Or who you have to be I know it's been said, but You can be anything Don't let them dig your grave For the things you wish to see Rise beyond the threats to self Quiet the outside noise Your own voice is your guide Yes, you do have a choice Have you stopped that? Have you stopped that miserable task? Of showing up in last? Have you earned that? Have you earned that love you sought? Of the one you caught? Will you be that? Will you be that strength your need? To allow your soul to breathe? Will you let that? Will you let that light to stay? To see a brighter day?
8.
(Untitled) 03:50
A fever dream, with no one around, no way to tell what's really there A demon stands, unflinchingly, it reflects your worst and your present No energy to feed off of, yet it wavers in sight and thought Instilling bad in all it's forms, what will become of you? What will become of you? With the weight of expectation, laziness kicks in, shake it With the harsh of lonerism, isolation stops by, don't open Trust is just around the corner, strength and you open your eyes A shuffling of priority leads to life's true great prize Mighty ones have gone and left, you have your own strategy now What was once your bread and butter keeps you from a final form To strive and claw a way right out of ruts and trials that come your way Cold and dull, but soon makes space for the sun, the blinding warm With the weight of expectation, laziness kicks in, shake it With the harsh of lonerism, isolation stops by, don't open Trust is just around the corner, strength and you open your eyes A shuffling of priority leads to life's true great prize The best awaits, so take it The best awaits, so take it
9.
Life is chaotic More and more by the day When my melanin Digs my own grave, digs my own grave But I won't budge, but I won't budge Just want better, just want better I am queer And he is me And she is me But faggot is thrown, but faggot is thrown I will teach, I will teach Just want stronger, just want stronger Temporary people Finding friends A loner's lament To want escape, to want escape But love I find, but love I find Just want longer, just want longer We get older Not the youngest anymore But Freedom comes, freedom comes Confidence, confidence Just want it all, just want it all And I have it Just want better Just want stronger Just want longer Just want it all I have it
10.
Coming in, bruised and tired But the sun gleams down on me I, I can't help but smile From now on, I am free The biggest joke of all was Thinking they could keep this joy down A few of us didn't make it But still, we're all around Nothing there could hurt me I mean a lot to myself This world is my destination Wouldn't want anywhere else And no, no things aren't perfect Through the trenches, we move slow But today's a new day I feel the aura, embrace the glow And yes, we got this far No sense in moving back This world is such a pretty thing, and The journey of now is on track Progress as means of defiance A smile despite it all A sense of warmth in my heart Personal revolution, no fall
11.

about

A series of songs from me, age 18-22. I wanted to honor the person I was then with the abilities and sonic aesthetics I have now.

Songs 1-5 represent 'The Last Melancholy'; the album as a whole is my marvel in the darkness.

Song 1 dedicated to Luther Edward Sullivan, my grandad
Song 10 dedicated to Travis Green, my friend
The bonus track is a cover Jessie Ware's first song on her debut album, 'Devotion'. Three debuts of sorts here now ;)

This album was a journey to confidence, and resilience despite everything. And I can finally say, all that confidence, I have it. I move slowly and quietly, but I'm finally here.

Enjoy!

credits

released May 28, 2021

Tre Simmons - music, front cover artwork
Raymond Ambros - back cover designer

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all rights reserved

tags

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Notrees Austin, Texas

Queer punk/useful and strange/I’ll reveal myself invincible soon.

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